How can you cry so desperately for someone, after they have died, when you never even knew them?

My heart aches. For the loss of a brother I never met.

I'm so frightened that I don't love people enough. That I don't love my family enough. That someday it will all just end and I'll be filled with regrets.

I know this isn't any way to live. Fear is a deceptive and overpowering tool of the enemy.

Yahweh, teach me to love in a way I never knew how. Teach me to be thankful and continually grateful for those close to me.

jesus jesus by noah gundersen

this song has always been one I've found incredible, and I wanted to share it. honest music is the best kind. I've bleeped out a bit of the language, sorry if the other bit offends.

Jesus, Jesus, could you tell me what the problem is
With the world and all the people in it?
Because I’ve been hearing stories about the end of the world
But I’m in love with a girl and I don’t wanna leave her
And the television screams such hideous things
They’re talking about the war on the radio
They say the whole thing’s gonna blow
And we will all be left alone
No we’ll be dead and we won’t know what hit us

Jesus, Jesus, if you’re up there won’t you hear me‘
Cause I’ve been wondering if you’re listening for quite a while
And Jesus, Jesus, it’s such a pretty place we live in
And I know we ****** it up, please be kind
Don’t let us go out like the dinosaurs
Or blown to bits in a third world war
There are a hundred different things I’d still like to d
oI’d like to climb to the top of the Eiffel Tower
Look up from the ground at a meteor shower
And maybe even raise a family

Jesus, Jesus, there are those that say they love you
But they have treated me so damn mean
And I know you said ‘forgive them for they know not what they do
’But sometimes I think they do
And I think about you
If all the heathens burn in hell, do all their children burn as well?
What about the Muslims and the gays and the unwed mothers?
What about me and all my friends?
Are we all sinners if we sin?
Does it even matter in the end if we’re unhappy?

Jesus, Jesus, I’m still looking for answers
Though I know that I won’t find them here tonigh
tBut Jesus, Jesus, could you call me if you have the time?
And maybe we could meet for coffee and work it ou
tAnd maybe then I’ll understand what it’s all about

words of a foreigner

I want so desperately to be close to people, and I don't know how sometimes. I feel like there's this barrier that society places before me and that I place before myself; restricting me from truly loving those that I need and want to.

I feel restless, dreamless and discouraged. Where have I gone? Why has the truest form of my soul traveled so far from this weary shell? And perhaps one could say, I'm left here; in this place of rotten neglect in order to grow and to be made better. But really what becomes better? My words? My dreams? Dreams that never come to fruition.

Forgive my bitterness, my disgust and my jealousy. For truly it is not me. It is not who I really am, deep beneath this surface. I am good and holy, because You make me so. But when I let my desires of earthly standard take over, I change; I become wretched, like a monster, a creature that lurks in the darkest places.

Take away my darkness, and reveal to me all that is bright and connected to daylight. Rest me in the warmth of summer, in the humanity that I know exists. Protect me with higher power, with mercy and constant forgiveness.

Like he, I am in a state of confession. Ever seeing my blood and ashes. But there is joy on the last page that he has written, is there not? Please tell me there is. I need to know, I need to know that this is all for some better plan. To know that at the end, the peace will be overwhelming and completely fulfilling; that, that will push me on.

Surely I cannot continue without Your steadfastness, for who am I? But You, You oh God, oh Hashem, oh Yahweh; truly You are worth my suffering, and my valley. Your face is what I seek, day and night, in trial and happiness. Find me that I might sit with You, in the daylight.

my rain. hard rain. forgiving rain.

this isn't perfect, but neither am I, so I guess that makes it okay.

My life seems to be Seattle at its finest.

Continual rain - continually drenching me.

Some would say "Let it rain, be washed anew, grow and be good".

Some are stronger than me.

I block out the rain -

Like a stereotypical and aimless punk,

I walk around with my hood on -

Hiding -

From the downpour -

From society -

But mainly from myself.

One of the aspects that haunts me most is rain can be so unexpected.

The sun that dances upon my summer reverie,

Vanishes -

It vanishes when I realize reality is...real.

I refuse to close this with a cliche saying like

"I'm okay if it rains, because I'm strong"

No.

I'm not.

But if getting drenched makes me more like You -

Then I'll try.

Somehow.

Because if I remember correctly -

Seattle is what I wanted all along.

But this is all just a test -

An open space of choices.

Thank God -

I don't die if I choose wrong the first time -

Or the fifty ninth time.

write to write -

don't write to be.

be to be -

because your words will fade.

encourage yourself to feel and love.

don't force yourself -

just play the drum.

feel the rhythm -

inside of you.

it lives in there.

it breathes your air.

once you know your timing is right -

help me - help them.

we all need to make noise.

let your hands make art.

give them a chance to succeed.

learn to love yourself.

especially yourself.

so then you'll know how to truly love your neighbor.

allow yourself to fall -

know it's okay to be scared.

get up.

get up though!

continue to read.

continue to be.

don't let failure kill you.

you are human.

you are priceless.

learn.

free yourself.

with music, and silence and simplicity.

love even when you can't.

allow yourself to feel joy.

find it.

embrace it.

be it.

People's judgements don't define me.

Working on that right now.

As I get older,(which sounds ridiculous, but you know what I mean) I notice two things more frequently. I suppose you could say I'm learning how to live, and how to react to life by so often thinking about these concerns, which probably on the surface is true. Most life lessons are not perfected the first time around (or ever for that matter), but there's a nagging that keeps me coming back to two matters in particular; which I feel is of some importance.

The first is this:

People are always going to let us down. When I first discovered this realization, I was over thrown with devastation(a bit dramatic? perhaps, but even so). How can the people we love so much, hurt us so much?

It's frightening when you truly analyse it(or over analyse it).

But the fact is, we're all human, and we all make choices; big ones, little ones, and ones that will inevitably hurt others. We could get away with saying "that's a part of life", or we could dig deeper and find a solution to soothing this annoying and painful reality.

I suppose it starts when we're young, with matters of small importance (though they seem excessively large at the time). Things such as not being invited to your neighbor's sleepover, or being the last one picked for recess(story of my childhood, haha). As we get older issues get deeper, relationships get more complicated, and we as humans become more flawed, which leads to, of course, more awareness to pain and let down.

Parents, friends, siblings, spouses, partners, and perhaps even strangers we meet on the street are all people we form bonds with. The risk of forming relationships, is that we will be dissatisfied and disappointed. With issues such as marriage, community, contentment, dedication, selflessness, and love, it's increasingly hard to sustain a relationship without it seeming meaningless after a realization that the other person involved isn't completely faultless.

So is it even worth it?

Of course it is.

There are a myriad of reasons why we should pursue relationships with other individuals.

To name a few: Through seeing imperfections in others, it makes us more aware of our own and how alike we all really are. By relating to each other, we can learn to improve ourselves by focusing on issues we all have trouble with. Finally, if we don't, we won't grow as much as we could, or more importantly, as much as we should.

Despite the letdowns, burns, and pangs of relationships, and the numerous ways we can improve these associations, there's a bigger and more important comfort.

We have a Savior who is perfect, and who knows what truly loving and forgiving is all about. So even though, I may hurt you, or my friend may hurt me; He never will.

"As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him." -2 Samuel 22:31

So then, I suppose our journey now becomes embracing the comfort we find in His perfection, and learning to love each other with the love that He shows us, all the while, being selfless, humble, forgiving and gracious.

The second thing that I continually learn as I grow older, is that my musical taste get's better and better. There's nothing quite like a good Simon and Garfunkel song...

scream it from the mountains

On my heart tonight:


"The danger is surrendering to the pervading misconception that these years are best spent dead versus alive. The danger is believing the adventure of the Jesus-lifestyle is better suited for those closer to the grave than those still a long ways off. History was built on the efforts of young men and women free from the stresses of age who were willing to die for what they believed in, who weren't preoccupied with trying to frame whatever that belief was into 140 characters; people who converted their strength, vitality and youthful optimism into action, pouring it all over the world they were changing with everything they had. Scripture itself is full of these examples. From Jeremiah and Samuel to David and Peter, these brave young souls, initially overlooked by those older than them, boldly stepped into human history and created the future."

-CJ Casciotta

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